Deciphering Body Language: Five Guidelines for Reading Everyday Body Language

There is so much to nonverbal communication, so many things that can be taken one way in a situation, when in another situation they are quite the opposite. A great example is when a woman is attracted to a man she often times will invade his space or stand closer. However if you are in a crowded area this is impossible and doesn't necessarily mean there is any attraction present at all, after all she was forced into your space and didn't come of her free will. Here are some guidelines for reading body language.

Context, always put things in context. Someone maybe closed up (arms crossed), but it maybe due to the weather if it is very cold. They may have a dirty shirt and are hiding it. Make sure that you are putting their silent signals in context with the situation, weather, environment, etc. Don't make the assumption every sign (positive and negative) is directed towards you.

Clusters make up the whole message. Don't just look at one sign and draw a conclusion. Look all of their signals as a whole, that is how you tell the whole story. Always look for multiple signs or a cluster of signals. A smile, turned head, and leaning in torso is a nice cluster. A "bobble" head, a full frontal torso, and a foot pointed towards you is another cluster as well. The evidence should add up to a conclusion, it should not be drawn off of one small piece of information.

Congruent, the signs must agree with each other. Some times we politely smile at someone but we don't truly smile at them. Our body language is closed. Or sometimes we are saying we are happy with an angry look on our face. The body language has to be congruent. Make every attempt to make sure their body language is congruent, and not sending mixed signals.

Consistency, people are consistent and have certain habits in their nonverbal behavior. Look for consistency, somethings are going against their natural body language. Some girls always preen their hair, showing constant insecurity. So she may not be preening for you at all, she may be preening for her self-esteem. You are not the center of her life.

Keep in mind that just because you know what she is saying non-verbally doesn't necessarily mean you know why she did it. Always realize that signs rarely tell you what motivates them so be careful not to make false assumptions based off a few signs.

Always be aware that deciphering silent signals requires you to have a fluctuating understand of each situation with each particular person's idiosyncratic behavior. You need to be aware that each person has consistent habits, congruent with their message(when honest, body language always agrees), put all the signs in context, and make sure there are clusters of signs all leading you to the same conclusion.

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