A Mother-In-Law Can Make A Difference - Steps for Getting Along Better With Your Daughter-In-Law

As a mother-in-law you are in a precarious position with your daughter-in-law. Because of your "years around the block" you could be such an asset to her. Often times unfortunately, your daughter-in-law doesn't necessarily see you that way. So what is a mother-in-law to do? I think to begin with it is important that you remember what it's like to be in your daughter-in-law's shoes - starting out in a new marriage as a wife and then at some point, a mother. And if she has any kind of relationship with her own mother, you cannot compete with that. So please, don't even try. There are things however, you can do to help your mother-in-law- daughter-in-law relationship be pleasant, comfortable, and maybe even warm.

• Think before you speak


• Find something your daughter-in-law does well and: 1) Compliment her, 2) Ask her advise in this area.

The important thing is you want your daughter-in-law to know you recognize her as a competent adult in something.

• Before you do something that involves her or her family ask her: 1) Is it OK? 2) Does she mind? or, 3) How would she feel if....?

This is a way to show her you respect her and her place in the "larger family."
But what if you've gotten off to a bad start with your daughter-in-law and things are already rocky between the two of you? Can you still make things better? Yes, you can, but it will take more work because there are some things you'll have to undo and redo before she will trust that you are genuinely in her corner. So what can you do? The things I've mentioned above are things you can do, but you'll need to do more.

• Acknowledge to your daughter-in-law that you are aware of the rocky start the two of you have had and that you feel bad about your part in that.


• Let her know you want it to be different and then, start making it different.

Sometimes it is easier to write her a letter than to do this face to face. And that is fine. In a letter you can often say those really important things that you feel too uncomfortable saying in person - such as it means a lot to you that she loves your son and she makes him happy. But believe me, by taking these small steps, a mother-in-law can makea difference.

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